LIVING
WITH PEOPLE
By
Swami Tejomayananda
The most difficult
thing to do is to live in peace and harmony with people. It
is, perhaps, easier to live with birds and animals. Why is living
with people a problem?
We
know that fire is hot and we accept that fact. If we are burnt
by touching fire, we do not blame it. If a whole house is
burnt down, we may condemn other factors or blame our negligence,
but would accept fire as it is. Its place is undeniable and
it is not rejected. Similarly, we accept the coolness of ice,
the beauty of flowers, fruits, trees and plants. Again, if
we are admiring a beautiful, full moon and someone else comes
and starts appreciating it, we don't say, "Why are you
looking at my moon? You have no right to see it!" There
is no sense of ownership, no possessiveness; there is acceptance
without any projection of likes and dislikes.
The
Bhagavad Gita says that a wise person moves everywhere with
love and affection Like the wind blowing freely, he does not
get attached to anything. He accepts all. Sometimes people
behave nicely, sometimes they don't . This neither elates
nor depresses the wise person. "Such a man of wisdom
lives with his senses under control, free from personal likes
and dislikes, and therefore, enjoys every object, place, situation
and person" .
Also,
we find it difficult to live with people because we have too
many expectations of them. If i expect something of another,
that person may also expect something of me. Furthermore,
i am unable to fulfil my own expectations of myself. I want
to do so many things, but i am unable to do them. Thus, we
feel disappointed and frustrated with ourselves, and aggrieved
or upset with others when they fail to satisfy our expectations.
I saw a sticker that said, "Don't try to change me. Accept
me as i am" .
It
is important to understand the message clearly and completely.
The message is that one should accept the fact as it is. Then
if a change is necessary, try to make that change, but do
not insist on it. Every parent wants the child to perform
well and excel whether in sports or in studies. There is nothing
wrong with that. But, to expect something that may not be
possible for the child to do, and unnecessarily apply pressure
and force, will cause frustration to all.
When
one is living with people it may not be possible to have no
expectations at all, so one should have reasonable expectations.
An artistically inclined child with no aptitude for commerce
should not be forced into the family business. Expectations
should be reasonable and based on knowledge and wisdom.
As
far as nature or the moon is concerned, we do not feel a sense
of ownership or possessiveness. But with regard to people
this feeling is deep seated and can be very destructive What
we need to have is love and affection. Along with that there
should be freedom and space, too. Two hands joined together
leave a gap and can be easily separated. Similarly, we should
give space to people. Often we hear people say, "Give
me some space please!" If you love a bird, will you cage
it and expect it to be happy? It is not possible to love someone
and also confine them in that love.
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